I’ve always been fascinated about the effect people have on others. Whether that’s being repelled by someone else, drawn to someone or simply physically attracted to another person.
What is it about the other person, often just from first glance, that turns us off and on to people?
After a rather unsuccessful run of dates last year with guys that I just didn’t ‘click’ with, I had just about given up on the possibility of ever meeting anyone half decent without moving cities! Just as I had resigned myself to being single forever (which, let’s be honest, is actually quite an exciting promise. See The Single Woman – greatest inspiration for all single ladies!) I met someone at a friend’s party.
Now when I say I met someone, I’m not saying he’s The One or even that we’re an item but just that we seemed to really hit it off. Yes he was attractive but he also had great conversation and he was engaging. He grew on me throughout the evening. Perhaps because I went to the party not expecting anything to happen and lo and behold what they say about finding someone when you’re not looking – it’s true folks.
I guess it’s the novelty of it all, the promise of what might come. The fact that someone seems to actually be interested, which makes a welcome change. All those things. At the same time, like most normal women, I’m also battling that element of self-doubt which niggles away and says ‘he’s not really interested, just being polite’, ‘probably nothing will happen so don’t get your hopes up’.
This dialogue continues in my head even after we have both been upfront about liking each other and arranged a second date. Promising signs, yet I have been put off so much by my previous encounters that I think I have lost faith in my gut instinct. What my gut is telling me, when I really listen, is that things will turn out for the best and this guy seems to be a good one, so hold tight.
For a moment, when I hear that my self-doubt disappears. And then, I don’t get a reply to a message for a day or so and the whole cycle starts again!
When you think about it, the reason we doubt in these situations is very closely linked to how much we don’t want to lose that other person. And in the words of Martin Luther King, Jr.
“There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.”
It’s that thing of once bitten, twice shy. You want so much for things to work out but at the same time you are scared that they might not and that’s when you realise you would be very disappointed if they didn’t. Surely then that’s your way of letting yourself know you care about this person and if they’re making time for you then I’m pretty sure they care about you too.
By no means I am the expert on this, far from it in fact, but the more I explore the subject, the more I realise things aren’t always as complicated as they seem. We just make them that way.