Transitions, trust and a thought-provoking talk

I went to a powerful talk last night by the inspiring Wendy Smith, who was talking all about how to be the most authentic version of yourself. She is one of those people that gives off such wonderful energy and, despite the challenges she has faced, she has incredible resilience and drive.

She spoke about perspective and how we see ourselves. She encouraged us to experiment and question ourselves. Ask yourself, who do you want to be? Who are you? It sparked something in me that made me want to be really honest with myself, who is the authentic version of me?

I was fascinated when she talked about strategies to overcome limiting beliefs through exercises like cross-braining and Ho’oponopono. We all carry around beliefs that don’t help us and our emotions can show these to us. Our anxiety, anger, sadness or frustration all tell us something about our beliefs.

The thing is our emotions are ours and therefore we can control them. It isn’t anyone else’s fault how we feel, we choose our emotions. They are just sharing their story, their map of themselves. That struck a chord with me, how we can use our own energy to control how we feel.  And talking of energy, Wendy spoke about creating an energy ball in your hands. I hadn’t done this before and found it such a useful concept. I read a useful article on how to create this energy ball from Livestrong.

Energy of the mind

All this information came at just the right time as I make the transition into a new phase of my life. At this point, I now feel I have unhooked all the ties that held me linked to my previous relationship. I am ready to move forward. The last few weeks, in particular, have been crucial for playing this out and for facing my own vulnerabilities.

Learning to trust the process and be open to vulnerability is hard. I have been challenged by my mind and body and have been making a conscious shift from worrying to learning to sit with feelings of being uncomfortable. I appreciate the signs from my body and I’m getting better at tuning in to it, rather than resisting it.

At the same time, I am opening up to change in other areas of my life. I am socialising in new groups and doing new hobbies where I meet different people. These people are becoming more relevant and important in my life because I can easily connect with them. Previous groups have become more distant and I’ve even felt disconnected from some friendships which I thought would last a lifetime.

Being open to all of this has taught me a huge amount about myself and how I tick. I’m enjoying my new freedoms and experiences and meeting people who I connect with on a deeper level. They are from all walks of life and they’ve expanded my horizons. Perhaps I’m subconsciously moving away from those people who I see as ‘settled’ in their lives, because that’s the polar opposite of what I’m looking for right now.

A key takeaway from the talk which is helping me with this is to lead with your heart. Tune into feelings and reactions, go where you feel happy and joyful and be with people who lift you up. It’s so liberating to stop thinking so much and start following a sense of joy in everything I do.

Follow your heart

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Finding your foundations again after a major life change

After a period of ups and downs, life has been more settled of late. I’ve felt deep contentment with where I’m at, whilst also still moving through the changes I’ve made.

I’m still healing and I’m learning about the person I want to be. It’s helped by working with coaches in my business who are bringing up questions that make me think about my values and what’s important to me.

Over the last week or so, I’ve done a lot of reflecting. I’ve allowed myself to do this and take time to let my mind wander. I’ve challenged myself, I’ve read articles on psychology and why we react in certain ways, and I’ve let myself be open to all the emotions I’m feeling.

The thing that has stuck with me is this feeling of vulnerability, of feeling like I’m just hovering above the ground, not quite able to root down into my foundations. I have this feeling of not quite belonging and I’m exploring this.

The other day I was out in a local town and I was very aware of feeling exposed, as if everyone was looking at me, judging me (they weren’t). I felt almost scared, like a rabbit in headlights. I leaned into this, why was I feeling so vulnerable? Was it that I didn’t feel confident in the clothes I was wearing? Was it to do with who I was with? Was it the memories of the town? A bit of everything.

And then, because I was on red alert, I thought I saw my ex outside a shop. I completely froze, panicked. Everything disappeared around me and I didn’t hear what the person I was with was saying, I just stared at this person I’d seen. It turned out not to be my ex, they turned around and I realised it wasn’t them.

It really hit home then that I was very much still in recovery. I still love and care for my ex and moving forward can be easy some days and hard the next. I’m learning that I have strong days and weaker days and recognising that this is part of the process. It’s all new!

And whilst I fully recognise that things will get easier over time, I’m also using this experience to grow as a person. I’ve gone from being so entwined with someone else’s life to not having any of that and it’s been as much about rediscovering how I live my life, as it has been coping with the breakup.

I’ve zoomed in on certain qualities I want to develop – self-confidence and a peaceful mind – and I’m doing little actions every day to work on this, to build my foundations again.

I’m doing daily affirmations, questioning my worries and I’ve started some home yoga practice in short bursts. It’s all helping. I’m walking more, spending time in nature and choosing who I want to spend time with.

I suppose my biggest struggle right now is being comfortable with someone else in my life. I’ve been seeing someone and it’s about adjusting so it can fit into my life but also so I have time and space to work on myself. There is no rush, I keep reminding myself of that, so I just need to take the time I need and be open about that with them.

Most of all, I’m trying to go with the flow. That’s my motto for my personal and business life for the rest of this year. Do work when I feel motivated, feel my feelings, be patient and recognise how much progress I’ve already made.

This quote I saw on Instagram from @conscious_soul_tribe just sums it up really!

Small steps for the big magic 🙏.

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When things don’t quite go to plan (and why Angel numbers help)

Since I split up with my fiancé earlier this year, there has been a relentless stream of events which have caused me stress, upset or made me laugh out loud because I just don’t think I could get any lower.

I won’t detail them all here, but they have included bumping into a deer on my drive home (with a bill of £1000 to fix the car – the deer was fine!), not having any hot water in my new house, falling off a horse, receiving a parking ticket and getting stuck in 2 hour train delays!

They are the sort of events that, on their own, you can deal with on a good day. But when they happen, you deal with it then something else happens, over and over again, it drags you down. It’s made me feel vulnerable, undeserving of happiness and, at times, downright miserable.

I think it’s because I feel I’ve made a choice, to move on and live my life and yet the Universe seems to have other plans!

On days where I feel strong, I can laugh about them, find perspective and move on. On days when I’m tired, run down or busy, I feel defeated. On a couple of occasions I have sat down on the floor and balled my eyes out, just as a release.

It could be a lot worse, I see that, and I recognise that change comes with turbulence, so this isn’t a rant but more of a reflection.

Something I’ve become more aware of in this process of change is Angel numbers. I don’t know a lot about them but they are signs from the Universe (if you are tune in those sorts of things) to guide you.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing some numbers which correlate with change and thoughts:

1111 – This is a powerful number about listening to your thoughts and being aware of how the things you think can manifest.

2222 – In short, keep the faith. No matter what’s going on, trust that it’s going to work out OK.

555 – This number symbolises a big change is happening or about to happen in your life.

As you can tell, they all follow a similar vain. 2222 has been particularly reassuring to me at this time.

I think we all need something to hold on to, to believe in and to give us faith that we are on the right path.And at some point this year, I’ll be writing from a different perspective. A brighter one and maybe one where I can feel the change that has gone on.

At the moment it feels messy and destructive but, just like a landscape after the storm, everything emerges brighter and more beautiful after the rain has passed.

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Feeling your way in the dark

I often feel that navigating life is a little bit like feeling your way around in a dark room.

It teaches us to use our instinct, to trust ourselves and to use our own resources to reach our goals and find our freedom.

There are times where I’ve felt good and strong for making a decision, choosing a particular path or spending time with someone, and other times where I feel totally crushed. Where I feel like I’m being controlled by a force much greater than myself.

Of course, I’ve learnt to recognise this and know that the force is myself, I can be my greatest obstacle!

As a business owner, I have never felt this more strongly than now. I have committed a large sum of money on a business mentor programme and I’m so scared about not being able to make it back. I worry that I’ve made a terrible mistake and I often doubt what I’m doing in the first place. But I did it because there was a part of me that knew this would help my business grow. And it is, little by little, step by step.

It’s having the faith that it will all work out, that I will find a way, and that years from now I’ll look back and wonder why I was overthinking it.

Sometimes having that perspective, whether created from a bird’s eye view like that or by talking to someone about it, can make all the difference. Suddenly what seemed impossible starts to look achievable and that’s the best feeling in the world!

There is always darkness in our world, but recognising that there is also light to guide us is a very simple, powerful thought.

In the words of Shakespeare:

“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.”

― William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

Doubts, worries and fears are all there to protect us and show us we care but they don’t always serve us. As I navigate this journey of life in my personal and professional capacity, I am learning when to pay attention to my feelings and when to simply let them go.

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Does this mean I’m ready to move on?

We often associate ‘moving on’ with life stages like relationships, grief or careers but one thing that many people struggle with is when to move on.

Life has posed several challenges to me over the last month and longer (which is why the blog has been quiet!) but these challenges have taught me that ‘moving on’ is a very personal thing.

You can go through the motions of any life change but no article or blog out there has the answer to when you move on. Often it just happens.

And there doesn’t need to be shame or guilt with that. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Simple, yet so hard to grasp in the mind of those living it.

Moving on doesn’t have to be dramatic or big, it can be simply forgiveness to your past relationship, job or loved one. Allowing yourself, and giving yourself permission, to release any hold they may have on you. Reclaiming your power.

For me, in recent weeks, I have learnt forgiveness, grief and gratitude in a big way and I’ve also recognised how to be kinder to myself.

Some days I’m alright, I can be who I want to be, own my choices, and other days I crumble. I cry, I grieve, I relive memories and I feel hollow. And that is all OK.

Time is all we need.

You feel pain, give it time.

You feel grief, give it time.

You feel raw, give it time.

We have time, we decide how we use it. If you can forgive sooner, you can live your life on your terms sooner. You can release pain, hurt and regret because you open up to an internal peace.

My journey through change is still evolving. Life throws things at me still, a process which says even though I’ve made a big change I need to deal with more before I can get where I want to be. And I’m grateful for that.

It doesn’t always feel that way, when you have car repairs or no hot water or one less client, but on reflection I can always find gratitude.

So does this mean I am ready to move on? Yes and no. Moving on is how you perceive the changes in your own life. To me it’s not about moving on from change, it’s about moving through change. And yes I am ready for that.

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What people mean when they say ‘you just know’

I’ve heard a lot of people say of relationships that they ‘just know’ when it’s the right person.

I’ve never really got that feeling and it’s made me question nearly every relationship I’ve been in. However certain events recently have made me get that ‘just know’ feeling when you know it’s the right thing to do.

It’s a feeling you get when you know you have to do something and you feel nervous, or the way the Universe aligns things for you once you’ve made a decision.

That’s the ‘just know’ feeling because it’s something that overrides all other thoughts and feelings going on at the time. It’s so powerful that it puts you on a one track path to the decision you need to make. It’s a self-directed feeling.

And if you don’t have that feeling, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong or right, it means it’s not your time to take action, whatever that might be. So enjoy where you are and who you’re with.

And when you get that bubbling feeling inside you, asking you to listen, pay attention and hear what it has to say.

The Universe has always got your back.

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A knock on the door from the Universe

I am a great believer that everything happens for a reason and, even more so, that the Universe has a way of communicating with us.

Over the past few months, I’ve had a big shake up in my life which has brought some hidden thoughts and doubts to the fore. Things I buried years ago because I thought them irrelevant. But this recent revelation has been the Universe’s way of picking up my box of thoughts and emptying them out before me, saying ‘deal with these’.

I think it’s easier sometimes for us to disregard certain thoughts, writing them off as overthinking or worrying, but when they come back time and time again, it’s time to pay attention.

Up until now, I haven’t been ready to deal with them, but now I realise they are only a reflection of what I already know to be true.

Coming to terms with uncomfortable thoughts or feelings is a process we go through to grow and, to me, this definitely feels like a call from the Universe that in order to move forward I need to confront this part of my life.

Things in our life and relationships can get comfortable and normal but sometimes we need to step back and examine, is this enough for me?

In my case, I’ve realised it’s not. Not in terms of material goods or things but in terms of values, ambitions and aspirations. I’ve had time to look inside me and listen. What I really want means taking a different path and it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders at the thought of taking this alternative path.

Changing tack when you think you have everything sorted is scary. It’s going to be painful, upsetting and difficult but it’s all going to lead me to where I need to be.

And funnily enough, this hasn’t come as a surprise to me, it’s like I was waiting for this sign from the Universe. And this time I’m listening.

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